Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
