you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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