Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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