Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
