Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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