in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
