i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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