Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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