So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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