shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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