If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
