Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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