I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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