who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
