you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
