I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
