can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
