At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
