in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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