i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
