I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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