so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
not ubering you a puppy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
