dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
