All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
