I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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