Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
