i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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