Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
