You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
