Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
