Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
