I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
