Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
