omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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