So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
