Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
