I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So apparently I’m into choking now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
