I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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