He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
