I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
