There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
