So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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