okay pat passed out under dana's car
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
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