And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
