I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
