I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
