I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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