his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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