My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
