I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
God I need to hump something, right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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