thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
