His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
