I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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