we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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